Keeping Your Dignity

What is keeping your dignity? Here are the things I tell clients when we talk about keeping dignity.

  • The course your divorce takes depends on you. If your spouse wants nothing else but to push your buttons, you have to keep your dignity. If you react every time, you will give your spouse exactly what he/she wants. There are also opposing lawyers who push buttons. The main thing to remember is not to respond to the high-conflict people’s behavior the way they want you to respond.​
  • Your divorce lawyer should negotiate for you, but you decide whether to settle or not.  Your willingness to negotiate doesn’t mean that you are letting the other party take advantage of you. Write down things that are important to you and rank them.  Give in on things that you don’t really care about.  When you negotiate and make a compromise, you don’t get everything you want and neither does your spouse.  You can achieve way more by good-faith negotiation than good-faith litigation.
  • I have already talked about the importance of comfort level whew hiring a San Jose divorce lawyer. Each lawyer operates a certain way and each lawyer has a personality. Make sure that you and your lawyer can work together. When it comes to your case, make sure you and your lawyer are on the same page. If you want an amicable cost-effective divorce, hiring a bulldog is not a way to go.
  • Control your emotions. No matter how you feel about your spouse, the opposing counsel, or the process, your emotions should not get in the way. Find a safe place to talk about how you feel. Also, don’t forget that there is life outside of the divorce court. Do things you enjoy. Spend time with friends and family. Tell people who are important to you that you love them.
  • Don’t blame your divorce lawyer if you don’t get what your friends or family got when they divorced. Friends and family love to talk about what divorce was like for them. They may be a good motive behind talking to you about their experiences. Or, they may do this to make themselves feel better that they got a better result than you (or so they think). Yes, your friend may be paying less in child support, but there are many reasons for that. You are probably tired of reading on lawyers’ websites that every case is different. So, since you already know that, don’t compare yourself to others.
  • I also talked about being reasonable. If someone in the room is not reasonable, we want to make sure that it is the other side and the opposing counsel.

​Written by Ekaterina Berman, a San Jose divorce and family immigration lawyer. My goal is to provide experienced and caring representation in family law matters to every client.